Praying to Perry in School or Why Liberals Will Burn in Every Religion’s Version of Hell

Dec 07

So I watched this little video on the YouTubes where Captain Hairtastic Rick Perry is taking a stroll in the woods (probably on the family property N***erville or whatever the hell it was called) talking all cozy-like; like he’s just my buddy talking to me about the hard on he gets from going to church. And he talks about this country being founded on faith (I will assume faith of the religious nature as opposed to the “holy shit I hope we defeat the British” type) and Obama’s war on religion (under the same file with his war on guns I am sure) and a little comment on the equivalency between gays in the millitary and kids not being allowed to pray in school as evidence of the abyssmal state of affairs in this country. Here, take a little stroll with my good ol’ boy Rick and the soundtrack that he has playing every time he strolls deep in the hearta’ texas….
Wasn’t that fun? I almost expected to see a little teardrop falling from his eye as he talks about kids not openly celebrating Christmas. And then from the very shallows of my twenty-times-too-small heart, I sense a disturbance in the force.  I slowly escape the trance-like state of his all powerful southern accent and impeccable hair and begin to laugh. I laugh because I have a vision of Rick Perry’s America too. An America where the religious-right goes into collective fits of apoplexy when their little Bible thumping children come skipping into their suburban home and the little tykes tell their conservative mommies and daddies that at school today they watched Muslim-Americans pray to Allah. I continue laughing as I imagine the uproar as the religious-right parents descend upon their school boards and demand that such blasphemies be brought to an immediate halt and ask the board how they could allow the hellbound liberal heathens to manipulate them into allowing Muslim prayers at their darling little angels’ schools!  But I laugh loudest when I come to the imaginary school board’s response: “The Liberals (may God have no mercy on their black, black souls) had nothing to do with this. In fact, they warned us not to allow it. But our great-haired redeemer in Washington and his illustrious band of angels from on high in congress passed a bill allowing prayer in school.”


And Lo, the throngs of the righteous Christians were ashamed. And hung their heads in dismay, for they knew not what they did when they listened to the great deceiver in Washington. And some among them cried out: Oh Lord! Why hast thou forsaken us? We knew not that there were other religions that could pray in our schools! Now they are dens of juvenile iniquity, with heathens calling out to false gods and idols.
And then the Lord descended upon them…
and took a big ole shit on their heads… Texas size.

Read More